Peggy W Barnes

 

Yes, you read that right.  I love a salad for breakfast.  In fact, I’ll even eat leftover salad from dinner the night before.

Many of you reading this will say, “Yuck!  How do you eat a salad for breakfast?”

Others of you will say, “Yum, me, too!”

While others will say, “Breakfast? Who can eat breakfast?”

And even others will say, “Salad?  I hate salad!”

You might ask, “What is the point of you letting us know you eat salad for breakfast?”  I’m glad you asked.

There are so many responses to something as simple as what people eat for breakfast, so why do we expect our lives to be exactly alike.  Why do we compare our homes, our children, our bodies, our “smarts”, our jobs, our decisions, our organizing styles, our marriages, our religions, our thought processes, our childhoods, our cars, our clothes, our hair, our furniture, our exercise routines, etc, etc, etc?

I have found one of the quickest ways to happiness is contentment.  Contentment is found when we work towards being the best version of ourselves and when we quit looking around and begin looking within to work from the inside out.

In the words of John Mason, “you were born an original, don’t die a copy.”

Start today being the best version of you.  I for one am going to start by eating my salad.

 

Life coaching is one of those concepts many people have a hard time grasping.

What is a life coach?  Why would I want a life coach?

Life coaching is simply helping you get from point A to point B in your life. It is helping you identify your dreams and goals and find the steps you need to take to get there.

What are the benefits of using a life coach?

•  Objectivity  – We all get in the midst of our lives and can’t see the forest for the trees.  We look at life from one viewpoint and think that is all there is.  A life coach asks you the right questions to help you look at your life from another angle and with total objectivity.
• Accountability – Who can’t benefit from a little accountability in our lives?  It is easy to say you are going to do something or work on something, but it is also easy to peter out and not do it.   The goals you set in life coaching are set by you, not me.  Simply telling someone else you want to do something and how you want to do it, increases your chances of achieving it.
• Focus – Bringing a life coach into your life allows you to focus on yourself.  We all get caught up in day to day and time can quickly pass us by.  One day we wake up and we have not done what we wanted to do and regret sets in.  Life coaching requires you to focus on you and what a gift that can be to your present and future self.
• Current vs Future Reality  – The first thing I do with any new life coach client is to look at their reality.  What does each aspect of your current life look like?  Where is your life way out of balance?  What do you want your future reality to look like?  Sometimes that one activity can cause you to pause and begin to see where you need help or it will make you realize you have been ignoring areas of your life which need attention.

One of the most beautiful things about life coaching is it can be done from the comfort of your own home.  Most life coaching is done over the phone!  Coaching can be done with anyone, anytime, anywhere in the world.

Life coaching is not as hard to grasp as most people make it.   Life coaching merely allows you to get a little help moving forward in a positive direction to live your best life now.

Ready for life coaching?  Contact me and let’s get started!

VINES AND THOUGHTS CAN DESTROY

Anyone who has read any of my blog posts or heard me speak should know I seriously dislike yard work.  As a result, what you see is an area in my back yard that should not look like this.  So, I knew I needed to carve out some time to work on this area and I did just that.  As usual, I see a lot of analogies with yard work to mind work and this time was no exception.

First of all, what is covering most of the area you see in the first photo is vines.  Now take a closer look.

The vine latches on to walls, cable cords, other bushes, whatever is in its path.  It literally takes over whatever space it can.  The lies we believe and our personal truths are just like the vines.  Old thoughts and lies will take over and you will line up everything you hear, say and do with those lies.

I don’t mind bugs, spiders, and cute turtles, but I am seriously not a fan of creepy, crawly things like snakes, lizards or things that can jump out at me, therefore, while I was pulling up the vines, I kept my eyes peeled for critters.  You would do well to do the same with your mind.  Be aware of what you are thinking.  Be on the lookout for the thoughts that are not useful, can be harmful and will keep you paralyzed with fear.

Recently, someone in our area had been bitten by a snake.  Armed with that information made me even more vigilant in looking out for the slithery beast.  If I had run into a snake, it would have impeded my progress and taken me off course (as well as caused me to scream, jump around and run for the hills!!)  We all have those slithery beasts in our minds and in our thoughts; those things that will take us off our path and cause us to stay stagnant and not move forward.  The thoughts like – you are too stupid, you are not pretty enough, you are not athletic enough, you are too old, you are too young, you didn’t finish college, you are not like her, what if I fail.  All these thoughts are poisonous and will stop us in our tracks leaving us beaten down,  frustrated, and disappointed.

Finally, as always, when dealing with unwanted weeds and thoughts,  I have to kill them at the root.  I have to get to the source of the nutrients and pull them up from the source or they will continue to grow and spawn.  Thoughts and weeds are very persistent in their pursuit to flourish.  I must be the gatekeeper and gardener.  I decide what comes in, what stays and what goes.  I decide what “plants” and thoughts I want and what “plants” and thoughts are being destructive and causing harm.

I still genuinely dislike yard work.  The mind work is a different story.  I will weed my mind often and embrace it, for this is where so much of my life is lived.  The mind is the nucleus of my actions, reactions, and results.

Today’s focus:  replacing the weeds and vines with something beautiful and replacing the negative, unhealthy clamorings with valuable and fruitful thoughts.    Do you need to do some “yard” work?

 

I spend my days in clutter – talking about it, looking at it, moving it around, boxing it up, putting it up, donating it, throwing it away, recycling it.  I spend my days working with people who are surrounded by clutter – in their kitchens, garages, closets, dining rooms, living rooms, kids’ rooms, bathrooms, dens, attics, offices, and their minds.

I spend my days watching how people struggle –   Do I donate it?  Where?  Who could use this?  Will I need this again?  I paid so much for that.  I used to wear/use that all the time.  It is still in such good shape.  I think I’ll give it away, no, I’ll keep it, I don’t know what should I do?  My husband/wife says I should just get a dumpster and just start throwing it away.  I think I’ll keep this magazine because there was an article I wanted to read.  I’ve had that for years and haven’t used it, but I might start using it now.

I spend my days hearing their stories.  Hearing how they grew up.  Hearing how they arrived at this place of clutter and confusion. Hearing how much physical pain they are experiencing.  Hearing how unhappy they are in their marriages.  Hearing the grief they are experiencing over losing a child/a spouse/a sibling/a parent/a friend.  Hearing how embarrassed they feel over being surrounded by the clutter.  Hearing how they want things to be different, but are unwilling or are not ready to make the choices to do the hard work to get there.  Hearing the desires of their heart.

I spend my days holding those in pain.  Listening to those who have no one else to listen.  Caring without judging.  Walking through their past, their present and visualizing their future.  Working through their mindset to get to thoughts that will serve rather than hinder.

I spend my days knowing what is in store if they can breakthrough, work through and process through their clutter.  I spend my days knowing some will never get there and I ache inside.  I spend my days thanking God for those that do, knowing they are experiencing a freedom they’ve never experienced before.

I spend my days as an organizer and life coach.  Those that don’t have the struggles, my clients do, have little patience and understanding for those that do.  Those that do struggle with the clutter, in their physical surroundings, and in their minds, know the struggle is real.  Each piece of physical or emotional clutter has to be brought to light, held and a decision made.  The process can be long and arduous.  It can take time.  It can cost money. In the end, it can provide peace.

I spend my days trying to help people find peace……..what a great job.

Compared to most refrigerators I see, my refrigerator is pretty bare.  I have seen people who live alone with 2 refrigerators full of food.  I have seen families of 7 with refrigerators that are not stuffed.  No matter the number of people in your home, your refrigerator can still be stocked with what you need without excess.

There are many reasons I keep my refrigerator this way.

1.  We eat leftovers.  We eat a meal and if there are leftovers, we eat them for lunch, dinner or sometimes breakfast!  We eat what we make.
2. I don’t mindlessly buy a bunch of food.  I look ahead at the week and know when I’ll be cooking.  I look in the freezer, refrigerator, and pantry to see what food needs to be eaten and base the decisions about my meals on what I have.
3. I don’t like “losing” things in my refrigerator.  If I have too much, I can’t see what I have, therefore I don’t end up using what I have.
4. I hate wasting food.  Yep, I channel my grandmother when I save a little bit of food to eat the next day.  Food is wasted when you don’t eat or freeze what you’ve made.
5. It is much easier to clean a refrigerator that is not overflowing with food, condiments, and beverages.
6. I am thankful for the food I have.  That may sound odd, but if you have ever lived with scarcity, you know you appreciate what you have so much more.  I don’t take the food in my refrigerator for granted and am grateful for what it represents.

Look in your refrigerator.  Are you constantly buying too much?  What can you use this week in the meals you are preparing?  What did you mindlessly buy that you will never use?

Pay attention to your buying and consuming habits.  If you do, you will save time, food and money.  A win-win!

I have to admit to all of you, I detest yard work and my husband detests it even more than I do.  I am not good at it and I don’t enjoy it, but when I set my mind to something, well, it usually gets done.   Today, I decided it was time to attack an area of our landscaping and attack I did.

This bush you are looking at is a beautiful Forsythia bush (not sure why I even know the name of it).  In the spring it is beautiful with yellow blooms.  When it was first planted, many, many years ago, it was the perfect size bush for this particular area of my yard.   However, over the last several years, this part of my landscaping has been ignored and unattended.  Several bushes morphed into other bushes and vines were woven in and out of all of them.  This pretty bush had turned into several small bushes and began taking over a very large area, squashing out and growing over several other bushes.

I had a mess.  It was hard to tell where one bush began and the other one ended.  But, as I said, I was determined to take care of this mess so I headed in the backyard with my less than adequate tools and began to prune and cut.

The tools I used were an ax,  a pruner (borrowed from the neighbor), a machete, and my hands.  I would take whatever tool I thought I needed and use it until I realized it was the perfect tool or I would need to switch to something else.  Once I cut a stem or root, I would pull on the bush until that particular part of the bush let go and I pulled it free.  I became covered in dirt, got blisters on my hands, and scratches on my hand and arms.

As I am working, I made such a distinct connection to the thoughts that are in our mind.  Our thoughts become intertwined with lies and we can no longer discern where the truth begins and ends and the lie begins and ends.   Other people’s thoughts begin to cover our thoughts like vines.  Those thoughts begin to cover up our own thoughts and begin to diminish our confidence in our thoughts and in ourselves.

The process of unwinding and untangling our thoughts requires the same thing it took for me to untangle the bushes.  You have to do it methodically, deliberately, and with the right tools.  You have to be persistent in your pursuit even when you feel like giving up, get dirty and it hurts.  You have to be willing to keep chopping, pruning and digging until you get to the root/truth.

We all live with a lot of lies we believe.  To live an authentic and happier life, we need to dig into the thoughts that are driving our behavior and be willing to examine what we find there.

I sit here tonight with pruned bushes, blistered hands, and scratched arms and hands, but having accomplished my goal.   That area of my yard can now flourish because I have given the bushes room to grow.  My desire for you is for you to go through the pain of getting to the truth knowing there will be room to grow and flourish on the other side of all your hard work and determination.