I am a new grandmother. I cannot believe I am old enough to be a grandmother. I love being a grandmother. I am in awe of this precious little one they call Barnes.
I was talking with some friends of mine and we all came to the conclusion that the first half of our life is spent just trying to figure out the first half of our life. We seem to go through the days, weeks, months and years in a fog.
When I look back on sleepless nights, PTO meetings, carpools, endless grocery shopping, vacations, sick nights with children, neighborhood kids in and out of the house, arguments, ball games, track meets, countless loads of laundry, caring for cats, fish and dogs, Halloween, Christmas, birthday parties, Valentines, July 4th, church going, hair cuts, scraped knees, hurt feelings, and the many other things that are involved in parenting, it feels like I have lived someone else’s life. I have moments that are forever emblazoned on my heart and mind, I have moments that I would rather forget and I have moments that are gone forever.
I would not have traded motherhood for anything……now. There were times I was sure that God had chosen the wrong women to be a mother. Surely He meant for these children to have a mother that was not quite so high strung, quick tempered, fed her children healthier food, was more fun, spontaneous, more patient and more creative. There were times that I was ready to run away from motherhood. This did not look at all like the pictures in the magazines and catalogs: that precious sleeping baby, that perfectly groomed and clothed toddler, that perfectly coiffed mother with three children in tow. No, there were moments I wanted to not be a mother. I was tired, frustrated, anxious, overwhelmed and did I mention TIRED. Those moments were real but I knew they were not my true feelings but temporary emotions.
The fact of the matter is that God blessed me with these children. He blessed me with a life with them and I do mean blessed. I would not have learned all I learned, I would not have drawn so much closer to Him, I would not have the smile lines on my face from the laughter in my home. I would not have the excitement in my heart watching my boys grow into men and my daughter grow into a beautiful woman and mother. I would not have the friends I have because my path would not have crossed with these other wonderful people. No, my life is definitely fuller, for me, having been a mother.
Now, I am a grandmother. Now I am in the second half of my life and life is a little quieter, and there is not quite so much noise in the home. Now I get to take all I learned as a mother and prayerfully pass on the good and leave my mistakes and misshapen thoughts in the past. Now I get to love in a new way – a way I have never known; the love of a grandmother for a grandchild. I wasn’t sure at first how it was going to feel – now I know and wow, this G-mama thing is going to be another wonderful blessing in my life. I can’t be old enough to be a grandmother, but thank God I am one.