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So, I woke up this morning, later than usual, and have had a slow start to my day.  I decided to quickly take a quick look at FB to make sure my post published correctly on my business page and then it happened; I took a left turn, went down the rabbit hole and started strolling down my FB feed. 

Here’s what I saw:

Open the economy back up.  It is going to be ok. Open the economy up too soon, we will undo all we’ve done by staying home.

The President, Governor, all elected officials suck. The President, Governor, all elected officials are awesome.

The virus is dangerous. The virus is a conspiracy.

I am enjoying staying home. I am going nuts staying home.

People are crazy not to wear a mask. People are crazy to wear a mask.

Businesses are dying. Businesses are thriving.

I have a great schedule for homeschooling my kids. I have no schedule and am on the struggle bus about homeschooling my kids.

I love looking at all the motivating things people are posting about what they are doing. Stop posting motivating things, you make me feel bad about what I’m not doing.

What is my point here?  There have always been differing opinions and there always will be.

Quit getting your knickers in a knot because people think differently than you do, it is a complete waste of time.  Not a soul on this earth knows everything about everything.  People base their decisions on the information they have and everyone will interpret this information in various ways.  And, I might add, you can typically find information to support the truth you are searching for. 

So, accept that there are differences in this world, own your truth, and figure out how to do your life the best way you can.   Disagree if you like…….it will not change my thinking or my world in any way. 

I don’t have time.

I’m just too tired.

These are two excuses I hear on a regular basis for not organizing or de-cluttering.  Well, some of you now have the time and are possibly more well rested than you have been in a long, long time.  So, what are some things you can do while you are at home?? 

1.  Gather up important papers, scan them and/or file them away in a designated spot.  Do you need a list of the kind of important papers I am talking about?  https://peggywbarnes.com/organizing/resources/
2. Talk with your lawyer about updating your will.
3. Execute your advance directives.  There are state specific forms online, you can download and execute. 
4. De-Clutter a closet
5. Want to be outside – clean out the garage.  Our recycle centers, in Craven County, are still open.
6. Back up your documents, photos, videos and other information from your computer to the cloud.  I use Carbonite for my cloud back up. https://www.carbonite.com/
7. Scan your photos to the cloud.  I use a company called Forever to store all my photos and videos.  https://www.forever.com/ambassador/peggy-w-barnes (by the way, this is an affiliate link)
8. Clean up the photos/videos on your phone to create more storage space.
9. Clean up your email inbox.

This is just a start, but just starting is important!  Take a little bit at a time and when all this is over, you will feel all the better for getting it done.

Stay safe, stay smart and stay hope-filled!

So, I realized it has been over a year since I have written a blog post. In the back of my mind, I knew it. In my heart, I knew it. I had things to say, things I wanted to write about, but I just couldn’t do it. The words wouldn’t come. The sentences wouldn’t form. Getting “pen to paper” seemed like an impossible task.

So what happened? For a girl who definitely knows how to talk and write, why did writing a simple blog post seem insurmountable? These are the questions I have recently been contemplating and trying to figure out.

Here are the three things I uncovered in my quest:

1. I have worked pretty much non-stop for almost 11 years. I have learned so much and enjoyed it but I allowed my work to be the focus. I was building a business and working to serve my clients in the best possible way and I allowed it to get out of balance.
2. The combination of Florence and my father passing were two emotional events requiring more time to process than I allowed. I did not allot any time for my brain and body to take in and deal with all the emotions flowing in and around me. Although I was not personally affected by Florence, dealing with friends and community who were affected was all-consuming. A month and a half after the storm, I spent 3 days with my mother and father as he was in pain and working with other family members to give him the best care possible in his last hours. 2 hugely emotional events within a month of each other.
3. My brain and body were running on overdrive. I was working on autopilot instead of intentionality. I had not allowed any “white space” or “margin” in my calendar or my mind. There were many parallel things going on in my life and I thought if I just kept my head down and kept moving, it would all be ok.

Maybe you too are in a spot in life and you feel paralyzed and overwhelmed; the simplest things are hard and seem monumental. So here’s what I’ve learned that I hope will help you begin moving forward once again as it has me.

1. Take time. Schedule time to exercise, breathe, plan, play, pray, and sleep. It seems counterintuitive but these things actually create more space and time and will help you work smarter not harder. Even a few minutes a day will give you the clarity and reset you desperately need.
2. Acknowledge your emotions. Don’t ignore your emotions. Take time to understand, name, and deal with them. Pushing emotions down and pushing them away will never heal you. “Instead of running away from the pain, was I supposed to run towards it? …Maybe instead of slamming the door on pain, I need to throw open the door wide and say, “Come in. Sit down with me. And don’t leave until you’ve taught me what I need to know.” Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
3. Change your thinking. I had to change the way I was thinking. My way of thinking was not serving me well. I had to purposefully pay attention to my thoughts and decide to think in a different way. I wanted different results and that requires different actions. Action always begins in the mind so starting there was the only option.

I am always striving to live my best life, to keep my priorities straight, and my “house” in order. The last many years I have proven, without intentionality, life can get away from you and you can end up burned out, broken, and drifting. Undoubtedly, there are seasons of life that require more of you than others. Just don’t let those seasons last too long without introspection and adjusting. My life is resetting and it feels right……so very right.

Today is the second time I stood crying in a Starbucks.  I just spent a wonderful weekend visiting my mother and it was time to leave. It was very early in the morning and I tiptoed in her room to kiss her goodbye as she slept.  I hated to leave.  I wanted the time together to never end.  I ached for her aching heart.  I knew she would wake up and have to get through another day, the best she can, without her mate of 74 years by her side. As we were driving away, I had already shed my inevitable tears and thought I was done, however, 40 minutes later, as I ordered my “coffee”, (Grande skinny latte, 1 shot of espresso, 6 pumps of sugar free vanilla – essentially, glorified chocolate milk), the barista asked me if I had a good weekend.  Tears stung my eyes and throat as I struggled to tell her,  “yes, the best.”  As I waited for my “coffee”, holding my feelings in check, the kind barista said, “is it the coffee taste you don’t like”, referring to my order containing very little coffee and a lot of sweet flavoring masking any coffee taste.  I laughed through the tears.  She didn’t know she had given me a gift of kindness and laughter in the midst of sadness.

The first time, I stood crying in Starbucks, was on the morning of October 30^th when my father passed away in the early morning hours.  Going through the process of death and not having slept for three nights, I knew I needed just to go out for a while and deal with some of the emotions I was having.  For some reason, Starbucks seemed like the logical place to go.  With a shaky voice, I ordered my “coffee” then, awaiting my name to be called, the tears started to flow as I watched the people of Starbucks.  No one knew my intense pain.  No one knew what I had witnessed.  No one knew I had tears rolling down my face as I held my complete despair tucked away.  No one looked my way.  I felt almost invisible in a sea of people talking, laughing, going about their business.

So why do I share all of this?  I have become painfully aware of people all around me who are keeping their feelings in check as they go about doing ordinary things like buying groceries, going to the bank, eating in a fast food restaurant and yes, ordering Starbucks.  People are fighting hard things – grief, marriages in crisis, sick children, wayward children, health concerns, financial hardships, anxiety, depression, loneliness, abusive relationships, and numerous other battles.  My grief and sadness have made me more tolerant and more empathetic to the people around me.

One of my resolutions for 2019: look around and see if there is someone “crying in Starbucks” and give them a smile, an acknowledgment, a feeling of hope as they are walking through their pain and burdens.   My hope is we can take our own burdens and use what we learn, on our own journey, to help others.  In essence, I pray we can all learn how to do life better…….together.

 

I stared at this beautiful photo of a couple I know.   Perfect setting.  Gorgeous couple.  Smiles.  Flawless.

I found out the story behind the photo.  Hateful conversations.  Bruises.  Tears. Anger.

 

I stared at the family photo, all dressed in shades of blue on the beach.  Laughter. Hugs. Perfection.

I found out the story behind the photo. Pain. Broken trusts. Lies.

 

There are so many of us who look at photos on social media and make an instant assessment of someone’s life.

Look at how happy they are.

Look at how sweet they are.

Look at that beautiful family.

Look at how gorgeous she is.

Look at how handsome he is.

Look at how cute their kids are dressed.

Look at that house.

 

We can just imagine their home life.  Clean homes, no yelling, happy meals around the table, playing games together, cooking together.  You know…..the perfect couple, the perfect family, the perfect vacation, the perfect life.

 

When we look at those photos and then we look around, we begin to be discontent.  We begin to see all the ugliness in our lives.  We begin to see the wrinkles, the gray hair, the old furniture, the old clothes, the temper tantrums in our children, the staleness in our marriage, the extra weight you and your spouse are both carrying, the financial struggles you have, the frustrations of not having it all.

 

I pray for this New Year you will not focus on what other people have but will focus on what you can do to make your life better.  Don’t compare…….live your best life.  Quit the envy…….start taking action in your own life.  Don’t look at one photograph and one instance and believe it is representative of the whole of a person’s life……..it is not.

 

What you focus on will expand…..pay attention to your focus in 2019.

 

 

 

Many people, who know me, would find it hard to believe that I would love to curl up in my bed with a good book or piddle around in my home all day.

I have a reputation for moving, going, doing, working, and getting things done.  From the outside, that is all very admirable, but take a look at the inside of my brain and my thoughts and how I reframe and keep going, in spite of how I feel.

Me:  I am exhausted.
New thought:  If you get up and get moving, you will have more energy.

Me:  I have so much to do.
New thought: What is the next thing you need to do?

Me:  I just can’t do this anymore
New thought: Remember why you are doing what you are doing.  You can’t achieve the results you want if you stop now.

Me:  This is just too hard
New thought: It’s hard, but it is not impossible. You have a 100% success rate at making it through the hard times.

Me:  I don’t feel like doing this
New thought:  You don’t feel like doing this, but you made a commitment to yourself and you will honor yourself by keeping that commitment.

Me:  I am overwhelmed with stuff to do for clients and what I need to get done at home.
New thought:  Braindump all you have to do on a list and pick out your next best step.

I will admit, I don’t do this perfectly every day, but I have a very strong WHY that keeps me going.  I have found the more time I spend telling myself all the negative things the more tired and frustrated I get.  The more time I spend in a positive frame of mind and in taking action, the more energy I have and the more I get done.

Motivation is going to wane.

Passion is going to wane.

You are going to have to be the driver of yourself.

You are going to have to be the one that takes hold of your thoughts.

You are going to have to be the one that keeps moving in spite of how you feel.

Nike had it right:  Just do it.