Uncategorized

Today is the second time I stood crying in a Starbucks.  I just spent a wonderful weekend visiting my mother and it was time to leave. It was very early in the morning and I tiptoed in her room to kiss her goodbye as she slept.  I hated to leave.  I wanted the time together to never end.  I ached for her aching heart.  I knew she would wake up and have to get through another day, the best she can, without her mate of 74 years by her side. As we were driving away, I had already shed my inevitable tears and thought I was done, however, 40 minutes later, as I ordered my “coffee”, (Grande skinny latte, 1 shot of espresso, 6 pumps of sugar free vanilla – essentially, glorified chocolate milk), the barista asked me if I had a good weekend.  Tears stung my eyes and throat as I struggled to tell her,  “yes, the best.”  As I waited for my “coffee”, holding my feelings in check, the kind barista said, “is it the coffee taste you don’t like”, referring to my order containing very little coffee and a lot of sweet flavoring masking any coffee taste.  I laughed through the tears.  She didn’t know she had given me a gift of kindness and laughter in the midst of sadness.

The first time, I stood crying in Starbucks, was on the morning of October 30^th when my father passed away in the early morning hours.  Going through the process of death and not having slept for three nights, I knew I needed just to go out for a while and deal with some of the emotions I was having.  For some reason, Starbucks seemed like the logical place to go.  With a shaky voice, I ordered my “coffee” then, awaiting my name to be called, the tears started to flow as I watched the people of Starbucks.  No one knew my intense pain.  No one knew what I had witnessed.  No one knew I had tears rolling down my face as I held my complete despair tucked away.  No one looked my way.  I felt almost invisible in a sea of people talking, laughing, going about their business.

So why do I share all of this?  I have become painfully aware of people all around me who are keeping their feelings in check as they go about doing ordinary things like buying groceries, going to the bank, eating in a fast food restaurant and yes, ordering Starbucks.  People are fighting hard things – grief, marriages in crisis, sick children, wayward children, health concerns, financial hardships, anxiety, depression, loneliness, abusive relationships, and numerous other battles.  My grief and sadness have made me more tolerant and more empathetic to the people around me.

One of my resolutions for 2019: look around and see if there is someone “crying in Starbucks” and give them a smile, an acknowledgment, a feeling of hope as they are walking through their pain and burdens.   My hope is we can take our own burdens and use what we learn, on our own journey, to help others.  In essence, I pray we can all learn how to do life better…….together.

 

I stared at this beautiful photo of a couple I know.   Perfect setting.  Gorgeous couple.  Smiles.  Flawless.

I found out the story behind the photo.  Hateful conversations.  Bruises.  Tears. Anger.

 

I stared at the family photo, all dressed in shades of blue on the beach.  Laughter. Hugs. Perfection.

I found out the story behind the photo. Pain. Broken trusts. Lies.

 

There are so many of us who look at photos on social media and make an instant assessment of someone’s life.

Look at how happy they are.

Look at how sweet they are.

Look at that beautiful family.

Look at how gorgeous she is.

Look at how handsome he is.

Look at how cute their kids are dressed.

Look at that house.

 

We can just imagine their home life.  Clean homes, no yelling, happy meals around the table, playing games together, cooking together.  You know…..the perfect couple, the perfect family, the perfect vacation, the perfect life.

 

When we look at those photos and then we look around, we begin to be discontent.  We begin to see all the ugliness in our lives.  We begin to see the wrinkles, the gray hair, the old furniture, the old clothes, the temper tantrums in our children, the staleness in our marriage, the extra weight you and your spouse are both carrying, the financial struggles you have, the frustrations of not having it all.

 

I pray for this New Year you will not focus on what other people have but will focus on what you can do to make your life better.  Don’t compare…….live your best life.  Quit the envy…….start taking action in your own life.  Don’t look at one photograph and one instance and believe it is representative of the whole of a person’s life……..it is not.

 

What you focus on will expand…..pay attention to your focus in 2019.

 

 

 

Many people, who know me, would find it hard to believe that I would love to curl up in my bed with a good book or piddle around in my home all day.

I have a reputation for moving, going, doing, working, and getting things done.  From the outside, that is all very admirable, but take a look at the inside of my brain and my thoughts and how I reframe and keep going, in spite of how I feel.

Me:  I am exhausted.
New thought:  If you get up and get moving, you will have more energy.

Me:  I have so much to do.
New thought: What is the next thing you need to do?

Me:  I just can’t do this anymore
New thought: Remember why you are doing what you are doing.  You can’t achieve the results you want if you stop now.

Me:  This is just too hard
New thought: It’s hard, but it is not impossible. You have a 100% success rate at making it through the hard times.

Me:  I don’t feel like doing this
New thought:  You don’t feel like doing this, but you made a commitment to yourself and you will honor yourself by keeping that commitment.

Me:  I am overwhelmed with stuff to do for clients and what I need to get done at home.
New thought:  Braindump all you have to do on a list and pick out your next best step.

I will admit, I don’t do this perfectly every day, but I have a very strong WHY that keeps me going.  I have found the more time I spend telling myself all the negative things the more tired and frustrated I get.  The more time I spend in a positive frame of mind and in taking action, the more energy I have and the more I get done.

Motivation is going to wane.

Passion is going to wane.

You are going to have to be the driver of yourself.

You are going to have to be the one that takes hold of your thoughts.

You are going to have to be the one that keeps moving in spite of how you feel.

Nike had it right:  Just do it.

 

One of the places many of us ignore and avoid is the attic.  The attic is typically the place where things have been thrown that we have been unable to make a decision about, so it is best to put it in the attic, otherwise known as purgatory, where things go to wait for their final destination.

Clients don’t deal with the stuff in their attic because it is too hot, too cold, too hard to get to, too overwhelming, or will require too much time, so they just let it sit.  Things sit in attics deteriorating. People are not even sure what is up in the attic, they just know it is a lot of stuff.   If you are like most people, you know the attic is something you need to deal with, but you continue to put it off, but it still lingers in the back of your mind and weighs on you as you go through the days, weeks and months.

We also have an attic in our mind.  We have put stuff away, too painful to deal with, in the recesses of our mind.   We don’t look at it, examine it, or acknowledge it because it is too overwhelming, will require time and will be hard.

What is lurking in your attic-your physical and emotional attic?

Here is how to begin to deal with what is there and slowly begin to wade through what has been pushed down and pushed away.

1. Go searching.   Go look into your physical attic and your mind attic and see what is lurking there. What do you see?  What do you feel?  What is there?
2. Examine what is there.  Is it valuable?  Is it worth keeping?  Is it helping you live your best life now?  Is it useful?
3. Make decisions.  Make hard decisions.  Decide to let it go or only keep it if you find it is adding to your life, not sucking the life out of you.  Don’t delay any longer.   Give it away.  Trash it.  Recycle it. Do what you have to do to clear the cobwebs and clutter.  Get help if it is too overwhelming or too hard.
4. Breathe.  Feel the freedom.  Embrace the new life you have created.  Enjoy the whitespace you have created in your home and in your life.

Attics can be dark, scary places, but only if we don’t have control over them.  Once we take control, they can become places where beautiful, valuable things live and life can take on a whole new meaning.  What is lurking in your attic?  Go find out.

 

 

2018 is around the corner.  It is the time of year you will see magazine articles about changing habits, losing weight, exercising more, and of course, getting organized.

I am a believer in setting goals, but I am more of a believer in committing to goals.  It is one thing to write down a lot of things you want to do better and differently, but it is entirely different to change your schedule and life to show commitment to those goals.

For example, if you are going to start exercising, when have you carved out time in your schedule to actually do the exercising.  If you are going to get rid of clutter, have you put regular de-cluttering times on your schedule to begin the organizing process?

A resolution is great, but solutions are better.  You know what the problem is, but how are you going to go about solving the problem.  True commitment is the solution.  Doing when you don’t feel like doing.  Going when you don’t feel like going.  Putting your head down and putting one foot in front of the other until you have achieved the goal.

Most of our resolutions and solutions are never one and done.  You will always have to work on your health, habits, and environment.  Recommit daily to be the best version of yourself.  Focus on your “why”.   You will never be sorry you committed to the solutions you set forth for yourself.

If you need some accountability or help, give me a call.  As a life coach and organizer, my goal is for you to find freedom, peace, and solutions!

“Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do, long after the mood you said it in has left you.”  

I have a superpower…….I can see around corners.

I can see what is on the other side of your clutter, your confusion, your resistance, your pride.

I can see where you can be if you will let go of old thinking, stuff, and old habits.

I can see the freedom that sits around the corner if you will just be courageous enough to do the work it takes.

I can see around corners and I know there is nothing new waiting for you if you are not willing to make hard decisions and changes.

Through Life Coaching and Organizing, I can help you see around corners, too.